


The Becoming

by Lucy_Luna



Series: Gratias Vobis Ago [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Durmstrang, F/M, Gen, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-09 12:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12276420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucy_Luna/pseuds/Lucy_Luna
Summary: After his disastrous fifth year at Hogwarts, Severus tells his mother he doesn’t want to go back. She listens.





	The Becoming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThePhoenixandTheDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePhoenixandTheDragon/gifts).



> ThePhoenixandtheDragon: I would love a teenage Severus leaves Hogwarts and Wizarding Britain after the end of his fifth year and finds happiness and acceptance at another magical school where he escapes the War, Voldemort, and Dumbledore.

Even years after the fact he would be unable to pinpoint what exactly had been the last straw, but something about his fifth year at Hogwarts had finally pushed Severus over the edge. After arriving at Spinner's End from King's Cross with his mother, the first thing Severus said to her upon passing the threshold of their home was, "I hate school. I don't want to go back to Hogwarts next year."

She looked at him, her eyes impassive. "Alright," she replied after a moment.

He blinked. "Alright?" Severus repeated, bewildered. He wasn't quite sure if he had understood his mother, or if his mother had understood him.

His mother nodded. "I can't say I'm surprised," she said. "I didn't much care for Hogwarts either." With a slight smile on her lips, she reached over and gave Severus's cheek an affectionate pat. "I'll start looking into having you transferred to one of the schools on the continent."

Absolutely stunned, all he could do was gape at his mother. All the stories she'd told him as a boy made him think she adored it. Why had she lied? Why had she not prepared him for the cruelties he would face there instead? "Why did you never say you hated it before? he asked.

"I didn't see sense in scaring you. Just because I had a poor experience there didn't mean you would as well," she explained. His mother frowned sadly. "I see now I should have prepared you for the worst. I'm sorry, Severus."

"It's okay," he finally managed to mumble, embarrassed. "I'm just thankful you aren't going to make me go back."

She only shrugged off the praise. "Unlike some, I can learn from the past. Perhaps if my father had listened to me when I said I didn't enjoy Hogwarts, I wouldn't have run away during Christmas holidays of my seventh-year and met your father." Her face aged significantly. "Perhaps we would all be happier."

Severus's face burned as he dropped his gaze to his scuffed-up and worn penny loafers. He knew he was the reason why his mother was stuck here. If she'd never gotten pregnant with him, she would have never married Dad.

"Chin up, boy," his mother murmured, giving it a tap with a bruised finger. "We may not all be getting a happy ending, but you just might if you play your cards right."

He nodded. "Yes, Mother."

-o-O-o-

The boys he roomed with at Durmstrang were different.

There was Otis Weber from Germany, who sometimes reminded him of William Wilkes. Both were big, physical, and imposing, but where Wilkes used his stature to intimidate the others in and out of Slytherin, Otis was a confident, persuasive presence in any room who still came off as a relatable everyman with the easy affection he bestowed upon friends and acquaintances alike. He never "joked" about Severus's second-hand robes, nor threw "playful" punches at him when he got upset - everything about Otis was affable and honest. Then there was Sven Larsson from Sweden, who was bookish and towering like the Ravenclaw Dirk Cresswell, but he was far more willing to share his knowledge with others instead of lording it over them as proof of his intellectual superiority.

Finally, there were the Polish twins, Borys and Elbert Dulski, two cocky half-bloods who remained on Durmstrang's Quidditch team in spite of their cheeky natures. It was agreed upon by Durmstrangs' students if they weren't the best chasers Durmstrang had seen in almost twenty years they would have been kicked off years ago. While their brash arrogance often raised the ire of both students and teachers alike, and Severus was often reminded of Potter and Black when the twins were at their worst, where Potter and Black had expressed their vanity and prowess in dueling by accosting random victims in the halls of Hogwarts, the same could not be said about Dulski twins. Their threats against other students did not come unprovoked, as they were more often than not defending the honor of their Squib mother and Muggle father from any students who had something snide to say about them.

For the first time, Severus could freely admit he genuinely liked and got along well with his dormmates - and surprisingly, the feeling was mutual. They were impressed with his skills in potions and downright awed by the spells he created. Sven especially so. He was constantly questioning Severus about his spell-crafting process. At first, his enthusiasm made Severus very uneasy. At Hogwarts, fellow students interest in his creations had not been due to simple curiosity, but to bully him into making spells for them or to find out if there was anything worth stealing. When Severus finally gathered the courage to let Sven in on some of his spell-crafting secrets the other boy was eager to share his own collection of half-finished incantations and asked for his help without a hint of guile.

Once he started doing just that, it got out to Sven's mates and they made a little club of it. Every Wednesday afternoon just before lunch a few of them met in one of Durmstrang's smaller study halls and spent about an hour going through spells, improving them, testing them on one another and, occasionally, a house-elf if the spell's intention was to cause physical alterations. As should have been expected, their club began to swell in members after a few weeks. Once that happened, it didn't take long at all for the professors to catch wind.

Much to Severus's surprise, they did not shut down the unsanctioned club; instead, they praised Severus and Sven for starting it. The professors called their club innovative and made Severus and Sven into role models for Durmstrangs' students. Once, Severus even overhead his defense professor say to the Deputy Headmaster that he couldn't believe Hogwarts had let a clever boy like him transfer to Durmstrang so easily. It'd left Severus feeling as if someone had cast a cheering charm on him when he wasn't looking.

At Hogwarts, Severus had viewed his professors as either enemies or annoyances. But at Durmstrang? He was starting to think of them as mentors. Especially his charms Professor, Kafka. She'd promised to give him extra credit in her class if he could create a barrier spell to put around valuables that did something particularly interesting to those who tried to steal said valuables. Currently, Severus was in the middle of trying to figure out how to make the "thief" that his charm etched across the would-be robber's forehead permanent.

Two weeks before Christmas holidays, Severus was stopped on his way to spell-crafting club by an upper-year by the name of Gígí Bryndísdóttir. He'd talked to her a few times before. Severus had found her suggestions for improving his Langlock spell to be very insightful. She also had very pretty eyes. They were a blue that turned almost purple in the right light. Shyly looking at his chin, she asked, "I was wondering if maybe you would like to go on a sleigh ride with me around the village next weekend during the school's visit?"

He was shocked. When he was at Hogwarts, no girl had ever shown anything other than a platonic interest in Severus, and the only girl  _he'd_ felt remotely romantic toward was Lily. Severus resisted the urge to physically wince at the thought of his ex-best friend and crush. The last thing he wanted was to give Gígí the wrong impression. Severus was not over Lily, and probably shouldn't agree to a date, but maybe… Maybe even if it didn't go well, he could make a mate out of Gígí? Severus did like the sound of that.

He'd heard good things about her family. Namely, that they were a clever, prosperous sort. Her father was a well-respected expert on trolls and called in for consultation often when their tribes encroached too close to wizard or Muggle settlements. Her uncle also owned and ran a popular apothecary. Severus wouldn't mind her saying nice things to her uncle about him. Maybe his name would stick in the man's mind and Severus could apply to work for him after he graduated from Durmstrang.

Remembering he needed to answer Gígí, he gave a tiny shake of his head and refocused on her. Right on time too, the hopefulness on her face looked like it was starting to flag. "A-Alright. That'd be wicked," he stammered.

"Really?" she gasped.

Face hot, he nodded. "Yes."

She grinned brilliantly. "Are you headed to spell-crafting club too?"

"Yes, right now," he agreed.

Falling into step beside him, Gígí, asked conversationally, "You're pretty good at potions too, aren't you?"

"I am," Severus answered, not entirely sure where the upper year was going with the question. 

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, lips turning upward with a smile. "You may already know, but my uncle has a small apothecary. He's looking for help over the summer."

He could hardly believe his luck. They hardly knew each other! Yet already she was willing to not only put in a good word for him with her uncle, but persuade the man to let Severus _work_ for him over the summer? Eager as he was to jump on the implied offer, Severus knew he couldn't unless certain practicalities were worked out first. "Would this offer include room and board?" he asked. "Travelling to Iceland from England daily would be highly impractical."

She nodded. "Since my brother moved out, we have an extra room. You could stay with us. We only live a town away from my uncle Finnur."

"I'll think about it," he said, "and talk to my mum. She'd have to agree first."

Gígí's eyes lit up with delight. "Dásamlegt!" she cried.

Severus didn't know what that word meant, but it was said with such a positive tone he could only grin.

-o-O-o-

Exactly two weeks and a day later, Severus pleaded, "May I, Mum? It'd be a good experience."

His mother looked at him over her chipped teacup with an inscrutable expression. "Is Gígí using birth control?"

"Mum!" Severus groaned, mortified and disgusted. 

She frowned. "Don't be so prude," she chided. "It's a fair question. Accidental pregnancies are not always a happy surprise."

His face burned. He knew she was talking about their family. And, in turn, about Severus. He'd been the not-so-happy surprise, after all. Of course, if Severus tried to tell her how he felt about her talking about him like, she would insist she was only speaking "in general" and he should stop being so sensitive. Ignoring the burning in his chest, Severus focused on instead that his mother was opening the door to his cage. He was going to be able to fly away. Be  _free_.

He just had to assure her what she was fretting about wasn't a problem.

Quietly, Severus muttered, "I know how to use protection, so there's no reason to worry."

Mum settled back in her chair. "Alright. You can go if you kids can arrange it."

"Really?" he asked, shocked.

"Yes, really!" his mother sniffed. "It'll do you good. I've visited Diagon Alley and Knockturn a time or two since you left, I can't say I'm impressed by what I've seen. I'd rather have you away from it."

Severus fiddled with the spoon in his tea. "You're talking about the Death Eaters, right?"

She stiffened, eyes narrowing. "How do you know about them?"

He shrugged. "Some students at Hogwarts had parents who were involved in the cause. They were planning to become a part of it too. There's talk of it at Durmstrang too, though, much less."

She stood up and started to jab her finger in his face. "You keep your nose out of that business, Severus Tobias Snape! They look down on you for your blood and if they come to recruit you, it will only be to use you and then throw you away when you are no longer useful to them," she lectured, impassioned.

Severus stared at his mother. He wondered what she would think if she knew he'd actually been considering joining them when he was at Hogwarts (and even a little while he was at Durmstrang). However, there was no way he'd say anything about that now. She might close the door to his cage and throw away the key. Putting on the role of the dutiful son, he agreed with a simple, "Yes, Mother."

-O-

A couple of years after graduating from Durmstrang, Severus was relaxing in the back room of Finnur's apothecary on break. While waiting for his girlfriend to arrive so they could go to lunch, he perused the stack of  _Daily Prophet_ s his mother sent him. Usually, he just skimmed them. They were currently full of morbidities surrounding war and it was wearing to constantly inundate himself with the misfortunes of people he usually didn't know. Flipping a page in the newspaper in his grasp, a bolded title caught his eye:

**McKinnon Family Slain During the Night**

He remembered Marlene McKinnon. She'd been a year ahead of Severus and good mates with Lily. She'd taken on something of a mentoring role with his ex-friend. Idly, he wondered how Lily had taken the news. He didn't know if they had still been close when Marlene and her family died, but the chances were fairly high. Unless Marlene had done something as unforgivable as calling Lily a  _Mudblood_.

Severus sneered at the thought. What a child he'd been. Reckless and angry and striking out at everyone and anyone. Sometimes, he had to wonder what his last couple of years at Hogwarts would have been like if he remained there. Severus was rather confident he would have joined the Death Eaters. He'd been in a terrible place mentally and after being abandoned by Lily on top of years of the Marauders' terrorizing him in the corridors and his housemates in his dorms, he would have been easily pulled into the group if they'd given him so much as a scrap of respect and praise.

He would have never thought he'd reach the day, but Severus did not blame Lily for giving up on him. He'd been no good destined for even worse. Severus would have gotten her killed. She could have tried and tried to support him and raise him up, but she had been a girl herself. That was too much to expect of her to do – all alone too. No one else worth a Knut had cared about Severus.

Partly Severus blamed that on the professors. They may have played favorites among the students a little more covertly, but the same could not be said for house favoritism. They'd never much bothered to hide they liked their own alma mater more than any other. With two of the most powerful professors at Hogwarts being Gryffindors, he'd always felt as if he was being unequally treated and punished when he got into tiffs with the Marauders.

Even now, Severus can recall just how relieved he had been when he came to Durmstrang and found that they had no houses. It had settled his fears he'd be the victim of house-favoritism once again almost immediately.

"Severus!" Gígí's uncle called, breaking him out of his brooding thoughts. "Your girlfriend's here to see you!"

Folding the newspaper back up, Severus set it on the back room's table and stood with a smile on his face. All his previous musing forgotten for the time being. Gígí might be his girlfriend right now, but she was going to be much more after their anniversary lunch today.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't use every bit of your prompt, ThePhoenixandtheDragon, but I think I it's in essence what you wanted for this fic.
> 
> Also, a special thank you to Coraluna for her help with this fic :) She made it ten times better with all her suggestions and edits!
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Dásamlegt - Wonderful
> 
> Thank you for reading and please let me know your thoughts with a kudo and/or comment!


End file.
